The path to reclaiming a relationship after an often-catastrophic breakup is one that is lined with potential pitfalls and dangers that you may never see coming. It's not a straight line that can be accomplished in a few steps. It's one that takes time, effort and foresight. It's one that you're willing to give everything up to face. The first phase is admitting that you really cannot control what your ex does, says or thinks - as much as you'd like to believe otherwise. The second phase is as simple as recognizing what you still have control over - and that's yourself. Ideally, that control is going to give you the upper hand. Making that dream a reality, however, is often far more difficult - especially if you fall into the pattern of mistakes that limits a lot of other's chances, if not negating them entirely.
By going through a recent breakup, you're probably all-too-familiar with the feeling of jealousy. You feel it every time you look at your ex, and sometimes it feels as if it's going to swallow you whole. It's no surprise that jealousy is often put into play in the war to win an ex back. It's forceful and powerful and can easily accomplish a lot of otherwise difficult tasks. It's like holding onto a grenade once the pin has been pulled, however. If you don't toss it carefully, it may just catch you in the explosion. If it does, you're going to find yourself in a world of hurt more drastic than you ever imagined.
That's why using jealousy intentionally should only be attempted in the minutest circumstances - and only with extreme caution prior to putting it into play. If your mind is racing with possibilities, you're probably wondering about the end game. What about pretending to date someone else? Can that be a sufficient way to get your ex's attention and make them jealous enough to want to do something about it?
In order to answer those questions, try putting the shoe on the other foot, first. How would you feel if you started dating someone that you genuinely liked - and you found out after the fact that they were using you to get back at someone else? It doesn't feel good at all, does it? That's the position that you would potentially be putting someone else in, just to prove a point and force a reaction from your ex. It's dishonest, it's mean, and ultimately it's going to fail. When your ex finds out what you're up to, things are going to get bad fast. Not only will you not get the chance to try again, but you will have completely minimized any lingering feelings that they had for you in the process. Then you'll have to start over from the beginning with someone new because they're gone - and they're not coming back.
If you do decide to date after your breakup, it's advisable that you take a good hard look at your motivation before beginning down that road. If you're doing it only to get a reaction, don't. As much as it may stink to be alone, the alternative is worse. If, however, you want to do it in order to try and move on, the field is yours. You can learn a lot about yourself in the process.
Putting yourself out there is never a bad idea - especially after a breakup when you feel vulnerable and alone. Spending time with other people and even meeting new people can have a very positive affect on you overall, and once you start focusing on the positive aspects of life rather than the negative, you'd be surprised at how quickly even the most hopeless of situations can begin to turn around for you.
Before simply throwing yourself into the dating pool full throttle, consider your motivation. Don't dive in with both feet and expect things to go swimmingly right off the bat. Your motivation for dating has a lot to do with how it plays out in the long run - and you want to make sure that your intentions are pure and you're not simply setting someone else up to feel the pain that you went through. There's no way to accurately predict what the future is going to bring, and if you begin a relationship hoping for a specific result, you're only going to set yourself up to fall again. That can be damaging to your self-esteem and your potential. It's best to proceed slowly and make sure you know what you're getting into - before it's too late to turn back.
If you've tried other tactics to get your ex's attention back, jealousy can be a valuable tool at your disposal. It instantly prompts a reaction, no matter how long ago you broke up. It's nearly timeless and can crop up at a moment's notice - even when you least expect it.
Jealousy can be a definitive tie-breaker in the battle to win back your ex, but make sure it's not the first (or only) option on your list. See it as a last-ditch effort more than an initial go-to response. It should only be used sparingly and with extreme caution. Before using it as a last option, make sure you've tried the many other techniques out there that can help reconnect your broken relationship more positively. They have a high rate of success, and they can help you avoid the potential dangers that jealousy inevitably brings in its wake.
What To Do Next
By now you have probably realised that making your ex jealous is a dangerous game to play. You have other more successful tactics at your disposal, so use them instead. Understanding the best contact with your ex possible is one way to achieve this. When you pull this off your ex will be the one that is chasing you instead.
Be on the look out for secret signs ex still loves you too. When you know where you really stand it can give you the impetus to succeed or help you avoid humiliation.
Source: http://www.streetarticles.com/reconnecting/i-want-to-make-my-ex-jealous-stop-and-think-first
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